[ I always desire honesty, is Spock's automatic response, a genuine answer even as he's slightly distracted by Jim's fingers and lips covering his own.
The cooling of passion slows Spock's response to the kiss though, coming to rest against Jim's forehead again with deliberately slow, even breaths. Jim will get the sense that Spock is mentally preparing for something, shoring up some resolve to answer that possessive dampener. It takes several moment, but then Spock gently eases open another barrier he had kept closed, much like the walled-off area Jim had in his own mind.
It feels almost identical, perhaps with a slightly different flavor as it's turned on Spock himself rather than outward on another person like Jim was experiencing. His own fear is evident behind this newly unlocked part of his mind—what would happen if Nyota would show up? Would she be angry? Not speak to either of them and end their friendship? Would she quietly accept their relationship, or would she demand they part?
It's dizzying even in Spock's own mind, the scenarios, consequences, and possible outcomes of it all swirling round and round until Spock felt a dense, sickening pit in his stomach. Jim and Nyota were both important to him. He did not want—could not end his relationship with either of them on his own choice any more than he could cut out his own heart. ]
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The cooling of passion slows Spock's response to the kiss though, coming to rest against Jim's forehead again with deliberately slow, even breaths. Jim will get the sense that Spock is mentally preparing for something, shoring up some resolve to answer that possessive dampener. It takes several moment, but then Spock gently eases open another barrier he had kept closed, much like the walled-off area Jim had in his own mind.
It feels almost identical, perhaps with a slightly different flavor as it's turned on Spock himself rather than outward on another person like Jim was experiencing. His own fear is evident behind this newly unlocked part of his mind—what would happen if Nyota would show up? Would she be angry? Not speak to either of them and end their friendship? Would she quietly accept their relationship, or would she demand they part?
It's dizzying even in Spock's own mind, the scenarios, consequences, and possible outcomes of it all swirling round and round until Spock felt a dense, sickening pit in his stomach. Jim and Nyota were both important to him. He did not want—could not end his relationship with either of them on his own choice any more than he could cut out his own heart. ]