[Jim is very clearly enjoying the kiss--all the more for Spock reciprocating its roughness. He envelops himself in the physicality, losing himself to sensation, breath hitching at the sharpness of Spock's teeth. It's when Spock turns inwards again, reaching for that dark corner, that Jim shies away, flash of embarrassment apparent across their link and bond.
He rests his forehead against Spock's, appearing to be catching his breath but also pointedly not looking up at his bondmate.
[ Spock reopens his own eyes when he senses Jim downcasting his own, though he doesn't move back to get a better view of Jim's face. Still leaning their foreheads together, Spock's hands rise so that he cradles Jim's head, fingers embracing just below his jawline.
What is buried deep can only grow in size or fester. It is not wise to leave misgivings unaddressed. ]
[Jim's hands come up to rest over the top of Spock's, affection genuine and flowing easily over their bond and link, but it's streaked with that possessiveness, now coming out more frequently from that area.
He ducks in to occupy Spock's lips and his own.
You want me to be honest? There's a slight tightening of his fingers over Spock's hands. I'm afraid of what'll happen if she shows up here. And there's a slight change in his mindscape, now cool and damp instead of warm and bright. He knows how ugly what he's saying is. He knows there's no solution to this. He knows they discussed this, spent time away from each other for this. That still doesn't touch the very densest part of his worries, though. Nothing will, short of Uhura herself showing up and forcing everybody's hand.]
[ I always desire honesty, is Spock's automatic response, a genuine answer even as he's slightly distracted by Jim's fingers and lips covering his own.
The cooling of passion slows Spock's response to the kiss though, coming to rest against Jim's forehead again with deliberately slow, even breaths. Jim will get the sense that Spock is mentally preparing for something, shoring up some resolve to answer that possessive dampener. It takes several moment, but then Spock gently eases open another barrier he had kept closed, much like the walled-off area Jim had in his own mind.
It feels almost identical, perhaps with a slightly different flavor as it's turned on Spock himself rather than outward on another person like Jim was experiencing. His own fear is evident behind this newly unlocked part of his mind—what would happen if Nyota would show up? Would she be angry? Not speak to either of them and end their friendship? Would she quietly accept their relationship, or would she demand they part?
It's dizzying even in Spock's own mind, the scenarios, consequences, and possible outcomes of it all swirling round and round until Spock felt a dense, sickening pit in his stomach. Jim and Nyota were both important to him. He did not want—could not end his relationship with either of them on his own choice any more than he could cut out his own heart. ]
[Jim is, as usual, unprepared for the sheer depth of Spock's emotion, sinking himself into the murkiness.
He watches and feels these emotions, similar, but so much more complex than his own.
Jim hesitantly opens his corner, fierce possession and defensiveness bursting forth, the force of it and its hues show just how bottled up it's been. He watches as those thoughts float past him. Jim doesn't care what Uhura thinks, he wasn't letting Spock go. But feeling Spock's pure unadulterated emotion for her like this in their mindscape causes him pause.]
[ Spock accepts the emotions flowing from Jim, neither agreeing nor rejecting of them, but letting them simply flow through both of their minds. Accepting them, and reaching along their bond to envelope them with his own.
There is nothing that would change what I feel for you, ashayam. Her arrival, should it occur, would not replace, usurp, or deny that in any way. And after a minor hesitation, he continues on, wanting to make this point clear, hoping to convey his complicated emotions with more simplistic and limited words. Just as you do not replace my relationship with her.
[There's that word again, that Spock allowed him to feel/experience, it's meaning bubbling to the surface in his own mind, warmth seeping up and diffusing once more through the mindscape.
Spock explaining this so explicitly with so much confidence greatly settles him. The dense area in the corner of his mind harboring his doubts dissipates somewhat at this reassurance. There's a trace amount left--Only Uhura showing up and seeing how things fall out would alleviate it fully.
There's a small burst of that warm, strong affection radiating out from the center of his chest, practically flowing through to his fingertips where they gently entangle into the jet-black hair at the base of Spock's neck. There's the slightest press against Spock's forehead--a nod.
[ A tingling-like sensation echoes through the bond at the gesture—relief at Jim's acceptance and relaxing, contentedness, all colored by the bright flavor of their earlier list beneath it.
And a small note of surprise in himself. Spock actually likes having Jim on his lap like this. The warm weight of him keeping him down on the bed, Jim being artificially taller than him and causing Spock to tilt his head back when he was the one usually leaning down. And every shift causing them to brush and rub against each other. That's probably the best part, and the best to take advantage of.
He scoots further back on the bed, bringing Jim with him without their hips ever really losing contact. Sliding his hands back to Jim's waist, he encourages Jim to rock as well, his grip confident and firm. ]
[That warmth turns murkier, warm blues and violets as the pure clarity of the moment is tinged with lust. Jim delights in how Spock is enjoying these subtle things like the angle at which they kiss like this and the delicious friction if they're held just so while Spock moves.
At Spock's insistence, he grinds his hips down, heat building merely from the firm grip on him. Jim's mouth finds Spock's as a desperate attempt to hide the low moan he lets out.]
[ Not so hidden when pressed against his lips, causing his own to turn up a bit at the corners. Jim's reactions are just as good as the physical elements, making Spock desire more. One hand gives up its grip to reach between them, fingers finding the fastenings of Jim's pants even while they grind against each other. ]
[There's a disgruntled blip across their mindscape at Spock's enjoyment. Of course it's gone almost immediately as more of his thoughts are replaced with pure unthinking pleasure. He grinds down once more and up and into Spock's hand. Jim's mouth moves up Spock's jaw and then down his neck, sucking and biting as he goes.]
[ He tilts his neck back farther, enough that he'd be staring straight up at the ceiling if his eyes were open. He leaves plenty of room for Jim, clearly enjoying the sensations with the soft noises he's making.
His hand slides into the opening of Jim's pants, pulling them down farther before wrapping his fingers around Jim. His hand movements are slow, his grip light at first, like he's just getting a feel for his hardness and heat for now. ]
[There's a sharp intake of breath as his breath hitches against Spock's neck when he feels the jarringly cool skin take hold of him. There's an unconscious thrust as Spock's hand moves frustratingly slow, legs moving further apart to accommodate. He slows himself down though, wanting to see what kind of pace Spock was going to set, taking a small thrill in relinquishing control to his bondmate.]
[ Still frustratingly slow for Jim, for now, but rewarding Jim's release of control by tilting his head back down and kissing him hard and deep. The sharp nips and dragging of teeth pose a wonderful contrast to the gentle fingers wrapped around him.
During that, Spock's other hand busies itself with attempting to pull Jim's pants lower, eventually encouraging him to back up so they can be shucked off. ]
[As frustrated and impatient as he gets with going slow, there's no denying that he's, well, into it. He kisses back with just as much fervor, a few sounds escaping him indicating that frustration. He bucks his hips into Spock's hand, emphasizing the disparity between the brutal kiss and the light touch.
At Spock's encouragement though, Jim pulls away from the kiss to focus on leaning back (damn they were way too tight for him right now--) and pulling his pants off, first one leg then the other. He re-settles himself in Spock's lap diving right back in to continue the kiss where they left off, now reaching down and palming the front of Spock's pants.]
[ Spock's hands don't leave Jim's skin even when he pulls back, making sure to keep their link open, fingers briefly tightening around him. The speed of his strokes even increases a bit when Jim presses a hand to him, helplessly letting out a groan of his own.
The link and bond deepen in the color of Spock's desire, some of Jim's own impatience seeping into Spock's psyche now. Jim's hand is no substitute for Jim himself. An image flashes across the link, a projection of how they could be right now—Jim in his lap with Spock buried deep inside him, holding each other close while Jim rides him. ]
[Seeing that image in his mind that Spock creates causes his mouth, hand, hips, all to slow down simultaneously as the heat builds low in his belly. A sharp inhale of breath punctuates a bite at Spock's bottom lip--Jim is already moving to free Spock from the confines of his pants by undoing buttons and lowering the zipper, reaching his comparatively warm hand in while also trying (and failing) to move Spock's pants out of the way. Jim's usual impatience was now starting to take over.]
[ That actually draws an honest-to-God chuckle from Spock, low in his throat, the corners of his mouth turning up even while his lip is still caught between Jim's teeth. His amusement at Jim's haste flows in waves over the link, toning his desire into a lighter color, but not overtaking it completely.
A moment, ashayam. Allow me to ... he trails off, hoping his intentions will be plain in his movements instead. He leans back from Jim, unfortunately pulling his hands away with him, half-lying onto his back so Jim can pull his pants from his legs. ]
[Jim's breath catches in his throat out of pure surprise.
God but did that smile look...strange. He'd always wondered what Spock's face might look like with more emoting than he already did (because no matter what Spock said, Jim could see little hints here and there in his face). Now though, he's too fascinated to think much about that and too distracted to complain too much about the lack of physical contact now.
At Spock's prompting, Jim easily slides his pants off. Before Spock gets a chance to sit back up though, Jim climbs back onto him, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him. The kiss is slower than with his earlier impatience, an awed appreciation tingeing his mindscape now, because how many other beings in any universe have seen Spock smile like that before?]
[ Spock nearly bumps heads with Jim, not expecting him to practically pin him down like that. Not that he's complaining in the slightest.
His amusement returns in full force once they're in contact again, Jim's awe causing the equivalent of another chuckle along their link (since his mouth was too preoccupied to actually chuckle). Both of his hands slide to Jim's hips, pressing him closer as they slide against each other, the deep desire darkening the bond again. ]
[Jim's not even offended or put off by Spock's amusement at this point, merely appreciating the rare sight that Spock gave him.
But then Jim feels hands on his hips and he's brought back to the lust settling between them, biting back a helpless groan at the friction between them.
He has one arm propping himself up over Spock, and the other reaches down to grab and stroke both of them together at the same time.]
[ A breath puffs its way past Spock's lips, a soft, breathy groan following it while Spock's mouth is still open. His head falls back to the bed, eyes closed as his hips twitch up into Jim's hand. Pleasure threatens to overtake his thoughts, filling the link between them. One hand finds its way to Jim's ass, gripping a cheek tightly and pulling him closer. The other hand reaches up to grip at the hair at the base of Jim's head, blunt nails scraping against his scalp there. ]
[Jim gets the feedback of the sensations from Spock's end and his own, causing him to shiver and gasp in response, moving even closer at Spock's insistence. He leans down to kiss, bite and suck at Spock's neck, trailing up to the angle of his jaw at which point he pauses to let out a sharp exhale when he feels the scrape against his scalp. There was starting to be a bit too much friction--with a final quick kiss to the corner of Spock's mouth, he reluctantly breaks some of their contact to reach over and into his nightstand.
After a few seconds and the pop of a cap, Jim leaves the tube he pulled out sitting on top of the nightstand to re-settle over Spock, reaching once more between them with the cool slickness of the lubricant in hand. He lets out a shuddering breath as he continues to stroke the both of them at the same time, now much easier, subconsciously moving his hips as well.]
[ Jim's reaching for his nightstand (he now sees the wisdom in Jim's insistence that he also keep a tube here) leaves Spock a moment to recover as well, the feedback having gone both ways. His faster breathing is obvious and audible from his open mouth, something that rarely happens even when he's running or keeping in shape.
His whole body shivers at the coolness of Jim's newly-slicked fingers, the hand that resettled on Jim's thigh digging his nails in. His hips move in time with Jim's hand, a counterpoint to Jim's own hips.
As the heat continues to build in his own mind and belly, Spock sends another image through the link. It's the same position he imagined before with Jim above him while still in his lap, but now Spock adds details—Jim's head thrown back in complete abandon while Spock moves hard and fast beneath him, the deep green scratch marks Jim leaves on Spock's shoulders and sides while he tries to hang on to what little conscious thought remains to him. It's a suggestion as well as a promise from Spock, that he could make Jim do that, that he will make Jim feel that. ]
[That image causes Jim to nearly choke on his next breath, pace and grip stuttering. He emits a low, growled:]
Spock...!
[And if there's a hint of a whine in there, Jim will deny it later and insist it was Spock's fault anyway.
Somewhat reluctantly, he pulls up and sits back on his heels. He takes the lubricant-slicked hand and pulls it away, reaching behind to start preparing himself for Spock to deliver on his promise. In the meantime, Jim brings up his other hand and starts stroking Spock alone, eager to follow through on what Spock had in store.]
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He rests his forehead against Spock's, appearing to be catching his breath but also pointedly not looking up at his bondmate.
It's fine. It'll go away.]
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What is buried deep can only grow in size or fester. It is not wise to leave misgivings unaddressed. ]
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He ducks in to occupy Spock's lips and his own.
You want me to be honest? There's a slight tightening of his fingers over Spock's hands. I'm afraid of what'll happen if she shows up here. And there's a slight change in his mindscape, now cool and damp instead of warm and bright. He knows how ugly what he's saying is. He knows there's no solution to this. He knows they discussed this, spent time away from each other for this. That still doesn't touch the very densest part of his worries, though. Nothing will, short of Uhura herself showing up and forcing everybody's hand.]
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The cooling of passion slows Spock's response to the kiss though, coming to rest against Jim's forehead again with deliberately slow, even breaths. Jim will get the sense that Spock is mentally preparing for something, shoring up some resolve to answer that possessive dampener. It takes several moment, but then Spock gently eases open another barrier he had kept closed, much like the walled-off area Jim had in his own mind.
It feels almost identical, perhaps with a slightly different flavor as it's turned on Spock himself rather than outward on another person like Jim was experiencing. His own fear is evident behind this newly unlocked part of his mind—what would happen if Nyota would show up? Would she be angry? Not speak to either of them and end their friendship? Would she quietly accept their relationship, or would she demand they part?
It's dizzying even in Spock's own mind, the scenarios, consequences, and possible outcomes of it all swirling round and round until Spock felt a dense, sickening pit in his stomach. Jim and Nyota were both important to him. He did not want—could not end his relationship with either of them on his own choice any more than he could cut out his own heart. ]
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He watches and feels these emotions, similar, but so much more complex than his own.
Jim hesitantly opens his corner, fierce possession and defensiveness bursting forth, the force of it and its hues show just how bottled up it's been. He watches as those thoughts float past him. Jim doesn't care what Uhura thinks, he wasn't letting Spock go. But feeling Spock's pure unadulterated emotion for her like this in their mindscape causes him pause.]
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There is nothing that would change what I feel for you, ashayam. Her arrival, should it occur, would not replace, usurp, or deny that in any way. And after a minor hesitation, he continues on, wanting to make this point clear, hoping to convey his complicated emotions with more simplistic and limited words. Just as you do not replace my relationship with her.
Do you understand? ]
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Spock explaining this so explicitly with so much confidence greatly settles him. The dense area in the corner of his mind harboring his doubts dissipates somewhat at this reassurance. There's a trace amount left--Only Uhura showing up and seeing how things fall out would alleviate it fully.
There's a small burst of that warm, strong affection radiating out from the center of his chest, practically flowing through to his fingertips where they gently entangle into the jet-black hair at the base of Spock's neck. There's the slightest press against Spock's forehead--a nod.
Yeah.]
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And a small note of surprise in himself. Spock actually likes having Jim on his lap like this. The warm weight of him keeping him down on the bed, Jim being artificially taller than him and causing Spock to tilt his head back when he was the one usually leaning down. And every shift causing them to brush and rub against each other. That's probably the best part, and the best to take advantage of.
He scoots further back on the bed, bringing Jim with him without their hips ever really losing contact. Sliding his hands back to Jim's waist, he encourages Jim to rock as well, his grip confident and firm. ]
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At Spock's insistence, he grinds his hips down, heat building merely from the firm grip on him. Jim's mouth finds Spock's as a desperate attempt to hide the low moan he lets out.]
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His hand slides into the opening of Jim's pants, pulling them down farther before wrapping his fingers around Jim. His hand movements are slow, his grip light at first, like he's just getting a feel for his hardness and heat for now. ]
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During that, Spock's other hand busies itself with attempting to pull Jim's pants lower, eventually encouraging him to back up so they can be shucked off. ]
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At Spock's encouragement though, Jim pulls away from the kiss to focus on leaning back (damn they were way too tight for him right now--) and pulling his pants off, first one leg then the other. He re-settles himself in Spock's lap diving right back in to continue the kiss where they left off, now reaching down and palming the front of Spock's pants.]
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The link and bond deepen in the color of Spock's desire, some of Jim's own impatience seeping into Spock's psyche now. Jim's hand is no substitute for Jim himself. An image flashes across the link, a projection of how they could be right now—Jim in his lap with Spock buried deep inside him, holding each other close while Jim rides him. ]
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A moment, ashayam. Allow me to ... he trails off, hoping his intentions will be plain in his movements instead. He leans back from Jim, unfortunately pulling his hands away with him, half-lying onto his back so Jim can pull his pants from his legs. ]
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God but did that smile look...strange. He'd always wondered what Spock's face might look like with more emoting than he already did (because no matter what Spock said, Jim could see little hints here and there in his face). Now though, he's too fascinated to think much about that and too distracted to complain too much about the lack of physical contact now.
At Spock's prompting, Jim easily slides his pants off. Before Spock gets a chance to sit back up though, Jim climbs back onto him, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him. The kiss is slower than with his earlier impatience, an awed appreciation tingeing his mindscape now, because how many other beings in any universe have seen Spock smile like that before?]
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His amusement returns in full force once they're in contact again, Jim's awe causing the equivalent of another chuckle along their link (since his mouth was too preoccupied to actually chuckle). Both of his hands slide to Jim's hips, pressing him closer as they slide against each other, the deep desire darkening the bond again. ]
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But then Jim feels hands on his hips and he's brought back to the lust settling between them, biting back a helpless groan at the friction between them.
He has one arm propping himself up over Spock, and the other reaches down to grab and stroke both of them together at the same time.]
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After a few seconds and the pop of a cap, Jim leaves the tube he pulled out sitting on top of the nightstand to re-settle over Spock, reaching once more between them with the cool slickness of the lubricant in hand. He lets out a shuddering breath as he continues to stroke the both of them at the same time, now much easier, subconsciously moving his hips as well.]
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His whole body shivers at the coolness of Jim's newly-slicked fingers, the hand that resettled on Jim's thigh digging his nails in. His hips move in time with Jim's hand, a counterpoint to Jim's own hips.
As the heat continues to build in his own mind and belly, Spock sends another image through the link. It's the same position he imagined before with Jim above him while still in his lap, but now Spock adds details—Jim's head thrown back in complete abandon while Spock moves hard and fast beneath him, the deep green scratch marks Jim leaves on Spock's shoulders and sides while he tries to hang on to what little conscious thought remains to him. It's a suggestion as well as a promise from Spock, that he could make Jim do that, that he will make Jim feel that. ]
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Spock...!
[And if there's a hint of a whine in there, Jim will deny it later and insist it was Spock's fault anyway.
Somewhat reluctantly, he pulls up and sits back on his heels. He takes the lubricant-slicked hand and pulls it away, reaching behind to start preparing himself for Spock to deliver on his promise. In the meantime, Jim brings up his other hand and starts stroking Spock alone, eager to follow through on what Spock had in store.]
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