overanalytically | MoM Continuations

[The pain is definitely there, but the only physical way he reacts is a slight stiffening in his back. Telepathically there's a half-painful half-pleasant burning sensation far off. Bottom line: he's not mad about the Vulcan strength demonstration.

He mentally balks at that question, his response obvious enough that he doesn't even dignify that with a response, verbal or telepathic. Just keeps right on kissing and he might be gripping a little too hard at Spock's hair now.]

[ He'd been about to apologize for it, feeling the way Jim's back stiffens and by extension the deep bruises forming on his chest and hip. The apology fades though when he feels Jim's acceptance of it.

Then complacency just increases at Jim's distinct lack of reply, emboldening him to deepen the kiss and seek out Jim's tongue with his own. ]

Four times is the next logical progression. I shall recall this upon our next occasion.

[He gladly allows the kiss to be deepened but mentally stutters and physically stiffens.]

Don't you dare.

Not without your consent, [ he acquiesces, though there's still a slight curve to his lips as they're pressed to Jim's. ]

[He's satisfied by that, though the words smug bastard float by in his mindscape when he can feel the curve to his lips.

His thoughts wander back to the events of last night--how could they not?--when he remembers something about the night before...

He pulls back from the kiss, slightly breathless.]

Last night you said something in Vulcan. "Ashayam". [His accent isn't terrible. He projects the memory back to Spock, lacking visual cues considering the positions they were in at the time.

He's running his hands through Spock's hair at the back of his head.]

What's it mean?

[ The smugness all but disappears at the question, a faint sense of embarrassment overriding it. Spock's expression shifts just slightly, the relaxation and contentedness now edged with a soft blankness to hide his internal reaction. There's a few beats before he recovers enough to answer, at one point even glancing to the side to gather his suddenly rapid thoughts. ]

It is ... a term of endearment, used with personal and emotional connotations.

[Meaning behind it aside for a second, Jim is amazed to feel embarassment coming from Spock. It's sharper than any other emotions he's felt before today across their link.

What's more interesting though is the combination of mental and physical tells, so rarely seen together with Spock.

He's watching all this in fascination as he then processes what Spock said, his eyebrows raising in surprise, but a subtle glow emanates from his side of the bond and link, small smile on his face. His turn to tease a bit.]

That takes skill to make something like that sound like a dictionary definition.

[ Damn, he's caught out. The embarrassment flares a little brighter before Spock attempts to stuff it down, determined not to give Jim any more ammunition from it (too late). ]

Do you have issue with my definition?

That's just it. You didn't give me a definition. All you said was that it was a term of endearment. What's it actually mean and what kind of "emotional connotations"?

[ Damn it, Jim, stop calling him out. He takes a subtle deep breath before answering, again on the clinical side. He just hopes Jim won't prod any further into it after this. ]

While ashayam has no technical translation, the root of it, ashaya, is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards a person.

[Remember that time you bonded with this piece of shit? You have no one to blame but yourself.]

So, "ashayam" is the target of that "deep tender affection"?

[He's just going to keep poking at him like this. He's looking directly into Spock's eyes, or trying to.]

[ His usual bland expression is back in place by this point so he does meets Jim's eyes despite the emotional connotations of his confirmation. ]

Affirmative.

You said that to me twice last night.

[He comes forward and rests their foreheads together.]

Show me.

[ Spock blinks at Jim's request, but he doesn't pull back or protest the movement. In fact, it's quite nice with the way Jim is on his lap. ]

Show you?

Show me what you mean by ashaya.

[ There's another flutter of hesitation, a hint of embarrassment. ]

Were you not able to detect it last night?

[He pulls at the hesitation and embarrassment, wanting to expose it fully but work on calming it. He presses closer, murmuring against his lips.]

I felt something like what you described but I didn't know what it meant last night.

[His lips brush ever so slightly against Spock's.]

[ Spock's lips part on the next inhale, breathing in Jim's air. ]

Then ... you wish for a repeated performance? [ It's only a minor deflection, though sincerely asked. ]

Not exactly. Not...necessarily physical. [Because James T. Kirk can't bring himself to completely rule out physicality in any way.]

Mind meld with me. I want to understand it like that.

[ There's a soft huff of breath through Spock's nose at the minor hesitation on Jim's clarification.

Though the soft amusement dies down again at the mention of a mind meld. ]

... Jim, you know the reasons for my hesitation regarding mind melds.

We've done it before. I was fine after. If anything I'd be able to tolerate it better, now.

[It's been a couple months after all. Spock will be able to feel Jim's determination behind his words, though they're soft.]

What is your reasoning for that conclusion?

[ It's a minor deflection, he knows, but he is curious to know why Jim thinks that. ]

[He sees it for what it is and decides to play this game for now.]

We've been bonded for a couple of months already and last time the only side effect was a migraine. You even said it wouldn't be so bad once we've been bonded for a little bit.

[ Damn. Jim's logic is sound. His prolonged exposure to the bond, such as it is at any rate, would have prepared him for future mind melds. Possible infection of profound grief or madness aside, that is. He hadn't really planned on Jim remembering his words on it.

He could argue that even that amount of exposure wasn't sufficient to hold back the maelstrom that Spock expects from the depths of his own mind. He could ignore his own statements of his preference for mind melds that he's made to others like Gregor and Miles. He could even claim that he would require meditation after the deep emotional exposure of the night before, to prepare a calmer mind for a meld.

But more than any of those arguments, he feels Jim's determination, that stubbornness that is uniquely Jim. This is Spock's no-win scenario that he will lose: he ultimately can't say no to Jim.

Besides, it's infinitely harder to pull away when Jim is literally sitting on his lap.

It's almost a full minute that Spock evaluates Jim's request, his eyes downcast and focused on one of the bruises purpling in the middle of Jim's chest. His thoughts are purposefully muted from their link, only their bond hinting at the difficulty of such a submission. ]

... I would ask that you allow me to direct the meld, to not probe into areas that I am not yet ready to expose for your safety.

[He knows he's pushing Spock by asking this again so soon after being denied, but he backs off when he feels Spock turn inwards.

It takes a long time and Jim also physically has backed off a bit to wait, sensing, more than actively seeking, from the bond the thought that Spock is putting into what Jim has said.

At Spock's answer, there's a subconscious wave of relief--if only because Spock has said "no" at least a couple of times before this. He had been starting to wonder if there was another reason Spock didn't want to meld with him.

In response, he leans forward for another tender kiss. He pulls back.]

Yeah, of course.

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